actually, I'm a sock model
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
