its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
