the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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