i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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