she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
