i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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