Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
