U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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