Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
