But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
