Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
