Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize