I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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