this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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