Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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