My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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