In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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