if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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