Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
