When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
