Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
