Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
