If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
