apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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