i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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