awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
