true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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