Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
