There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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