I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
