i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
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She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
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Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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