Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
