Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
