i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize