i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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