Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
