Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
