proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
my liver is dry heaving
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize