Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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