I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize