I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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