see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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