i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
