Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
