3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
