Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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