I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
