dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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