Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
