I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Slut skills are useful in every country.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
