Cold hands, warm shart.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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