it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
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I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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