You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
