He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
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Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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