It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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