i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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