i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The adults are the big ones right?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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