I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
