You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
