why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
