Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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