people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My dick has a subreddit
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
