Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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