dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
