he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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