I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
