so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
