Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
