Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
